A few months ago, I wrote a piece that generated far more attention than I’m used to. Part of the reason I write is because I am introverted, and my thoughts and feelings don’t always translate verbally, but for whatever reason, when put into written words, I can articulate what is inside a bit easier. I tell people I write because I ‘can’t talk’ and while, to give myself the benefit of the doubt, this isn’t necessarily true all of the time, it stems from the reality that physical forms of communicating such as writing and movement come more naturally, to me, than anything else.
Anyway, people I didn’t already know responding to (or even reading) my words was a new experience for me. I felt grateful and overwhelmed and inspired and uncertain, all at the same time.
Some of my responses were certainly far less than graceful. I was caught off guard, surprised by the attention, and truly just didn’t know what to say. For that, I apologize, while giving myself grace and recognizing that I, like everyone else, am only doing the best I can in any given moment. And sometimes that looks clumsy and stupid and confusing.
One person who reached out to me was the editor of Birth Institute, who asked to set up a time for us to connect, because she wanted me to write for their website. At first, I thought it was a mistake. I scanned through the adorable baby photos on their home page, thinking, “This sounds nice, but I know nothing about doulas, babies, pregnancy, birth or any of the above.” I automatically ruled myself out based on the notion in my head that I was not qualified for this, and therefore had nothing of value to contribute. But then I decided to chat with her anyway, because a phone call never hurts.
Fast forward a couple of months and I’m now published on their website here. In the process of writing this piece, I learned a great deal about my own capabilities to research and organize. I had the privilege of having conversations that left me captivated, with birth workers who have tons of valuable insight and wisdom to share. Through interviews, I fell in love with the idea of doula work, even thinking to myself at one point, “Maybe I should become a doula.” But then again, maybe I just want to be a writer. So I can explore and fall in love with each of these people, places, and things. Every moment, and more.